Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
