paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
