god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
