we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
