Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
