why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
