Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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