Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
