did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
