Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
