I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize