Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
