i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I am naked and annoyed.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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