Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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