so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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