Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
