I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
