Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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