I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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