Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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