is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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