Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
