white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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