tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
