Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
