At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
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