Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
