So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
