And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
