do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
