We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
