After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
