Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Where is the hickey?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
