FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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