And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
