I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
