She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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