just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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