I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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