I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
