We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize