why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
