Christians are straight up FREAKS
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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