Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
BRING THE BAGELS
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