I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
