how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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