the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
