So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
