That's when you crack a 10am beer
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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