I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
