Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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