found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
