I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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