I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
