She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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