Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
