Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
