You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
