She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
it's like iHOP with fire
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
