proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
