Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize