and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
