I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
