mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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