I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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