I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
