If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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