Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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