Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
BRING THE BAGELS
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
